Pretty Flowers

Nate (Testimonial Again.)

Nathan redone. Yes, Nathan reminds me of a Sunflower Faery, a warrior with a spear and paint and colourful clothes that comes out with the dawn to do… whatever it is that sunflower Faery warriors do. He isn’t gentle; even through his soft-spokenness, he always seems to have a high amount of near-savage energy.

Nathan and I can talk about the most disgusting things, but we don’t judge one another about it (just a few minutes ago, I told him about how my bottom mouth wire is cutting into my tongue and I keep bleeding because of it, for example.) Actually, we can talk about almost ANYTHING and not be judgmental – Nathan is not a judgmental person. He accepts his friends no matter what, to an extent that I admire. He’s damn near Hufflepuffien! (In fact, I call him a Rufflepuff.) He is very loyal, probably the MOST loyal person that I know. And he is honest, despite being able to lie to protect himself (though, in his circumstances, he can say that without shame.)

Two traits that people wouldn’t normally associate with Nathan – at least, not on the surface – is that he is both wise and strong. Sure, he’s intelligent – as it is, he’s one of the smartest people I know. But he also is wise enough to be accepting, and kind, but also fierce when he needs to be. He is strong because he has gone through the most out of everyone I’ve ever met. He doesn’t think he’s strong, but I do. Sure, he doesn’t deal with things flawlessly – he succumbs, he cries, he screams – but he is still standing. He is still. Standing. And that, I think, is amazing. After all that, you’d think Nathan wouldn’t be open to love or acceptance, but when it comes to us, he is. He is caring, and he is compassionate, even when he doesn’t understand.

Again, Nathan is violently warm and upbeat. He is good at being happy, no matter what happens to him. He is gritty. He is individual, and he is also quite soothing when he needs to be. He’s a good comforter when he needs to be, though I don’t think he believes that. He doesn’t have the best self-esteem, but he really should. He is a wonderful person to spend time with; tea parties, movie watching, going for walks and seeing if we can throw our shoes over telephone wires. He is creative and imaginative.

Nathan is a living duality and contradiction, and I don’t just mean by being a man in the body of a woman. He is soft-spoken, but he is loud. He is avoidant, but he is unafraid of the bigness of his personality. He has it in him to be both incredibly kind and incredibly cruel. He is a seemingly perfect balance of light and dark – unafraid of his negative qualities and thoughts, but able to move past them in favour of something positive when the mood strikes him. He’s been very violent from a young age, but he has it in him to be mild as well. It’s as if he is both Angel and Demon – and, after all, Faerys are supposed to be fallen Angels, haha (I didn’t plan that one, I swear.) Nathan is interesting. He is a fascinating, engaging person.

I just fucking love my Nate!


Nathan Testimonial

(I've been writing this for a while, but finished it today after reading a Testimonial about me from Nathan's Livejournal. I WILL be posting that Testimonial here, but ONLY IF NATHAN GIVES PERMISSION IN THE COMMENTS / EMAIL :P)

Nathan is composed of two sides: a shy, overly avoidant side, and a side that is nothing but “spontaneous, violent love” (he loves the LoTR cast). He’s tall as a freakin’ Amazon, and has the best laugh out of anyone I’ve ever met. My heart breaks for him when he’s sad, but he inspires me to be happy and look on the bright side. He is (as he says, and I think this is true) “good at being happy”. He may be cold and rational, but he is also violently warm and upbeat. Things take him down, and he gets back up. He is resilient. He isn’t brave, but he is strong. He’s also pretty nutty and crazy.

I once wrote this about one of his characters on a website (a character that was most like him), and I think it’s the best way to describe him (gender roles are reversed here; I was RPing as a guy, he was RPing as a girl): “He thought. Yeah, he could see her as a Faery. Some sort of strange sunflower-Faery, a warrior with a spear and paint and colourful clothes who came out with the dawn to do... whatever it was that sunflower-Faery warriors did. She wasn't gentle; even through her soft-spokenness, she seemed to have a high amount of near-savage energy.”

Nathan is a gritty, determined friend. Although he is shy and doesn’t always feel like he is wanted, he is a Friend ‘Till The End. He is constantly supportive, even if his low emotional IQ can get in the way of that and ends up hurting rather than helping. But he doesn’t abandon people. He doesn’t like to be abandoned, either.

Nathan has been through the hardest times of anyone I’ve ever met. His trauma is huge and disturbing. I was lucky enough to be there for him through it. Watching him change was hard, but now… nothing can make him too sad. As I mentioned earlier, he’s “good at being happy.” He can find the light – maybe not in the situation itself, but in life in general. He is strong, I think, though he doesn’t agree with this. I think he’s probably the strongest person I know.

Nathan is unique; I don’t just mean this about his transgenderness, either. His Spirit Animal is a Tropius. He thinks that he was a squirrel in his past life and a horse in his next. When we were in Grade 4, he told me that he wanted to talk to a worm on a rainy day. He has a good imagination, though he doesn’t exercise it often. He has a unique voice, and a very unique style of writing that is automatically recognizable. He is, overall, a complete individual. There is no one else quite like him, and I appreciate that.

I love Nathan. Not too long ago, I decided that, if I were to have a child and it was left fatherless (let’s face it, it would happen), Nathan would be the one to help me raise it. And I really mean that. I think Nate would make a fantastic father figure. I would trust my kid to him. I would trust him with my life.

Nathan is so, so special.

Drops of Jupiter


I was rereading old posts in Nathan's Livejournal and found it. I'm going to do a testimonial for Nate soon, I'm working on it.


Sun or Moon?: Moon, though I'm more sunny.
Dog or Cat?: Cats, but dogs are drawn to me more.
Long or Short Hair?: Long, except on boys.
Best Friend or Boyfriend?: Boyfriend. (Sorry.)
Ice or Fire?: Fire.
Sing or Dance?: Sing.
Artist or Fighter?: Artist.
Night or Day?: Night.
Light or Dark: Light.
Freak or Slow Dance?: Depends on who you're dancing with! (Usually freak.)
Favourite Weather?: Stormy; grey and windy.
Favourite Planet?: Venus.
Favourite Element?: Earth.
Favourite Mythological Creature?: Unicorns.
Favourite Goddess: Aphrodite.
Favourite Flower?: That's so hard!!! Lilies, probably.
Favourite Gemstone?: Tiger's eye.
Favourite Colour?: Purple.
Favourite Animal?: Black panthers, but I have a LOT!
Favourite Weapon: Chain.
Favourite Tarot Card: The Empress.
Favourite Season?: Fall.
Favourite Time of Day: Nighttime.
Favourite Time Period / Area?: Colonial America.
Favourite Girl's Names: Natasha, Rose, Lena, Cassidy, Piper, Karen, Cornelia, Rosalie, Penny, Adelaide, Sandy, Jade, Tabitha.
Favourite Boy's Names: Matt, Caleb, Vaughn, Oliver, Tobias, Julian, Jonas, Miles, Milo, Cooper, Dean, Eli, Leo.
Current Theme Song: "I'm Gonna Fly" by Sydney Forest (Forever.)
Values: (It's all capitalized because I capitalize important words and concepts, sorry if it's bothersome)
The Little Things In Life; Self-Improvement; Speaking Your Truth; Dreams; New Things to Try & Do & Explore; Many Shades of Grey; Acceptance / Understanding; Creativity & Self-Expression; Being Changed By People And Changing People; Anything Is Possible; Freedom; Individuality; The Power In The Pure & The Innocent; Gentleness Is The Ultimate Strength; Stand Up For Others, Even Those Who Have Wronged You; You Must Die AND Live For The People You Love (And This Must Be MUTUAL); Sex Is About The Other Person, and SO many more.

I Thought I Hated This Guy Until Today!!!

(you will also see this in the comments for this post):

This description made me smile. Even though I've heard it a thousand times, when he says "You may feel worthless to one person, but to someone else you are princeless"... it really sounded like he believed it and felt it! And I liked the line about having abs as being like six boyfriends who will never leave you :P I liked how he acknowledged that there is a lot of emotional stress in break ups, and that it's "losing someone". And then the part about doing anything to get him to take you back... and the question about how he isn't thinking about you anymore. AHHHHH, I just love the whole thing! :)
Crescent Moon

Testimonial For Larissa

Larissa is maybe my best friend – or at least, she’s one of my many best friends, but is one that I am particularly close to. I only say “maybe” because I’ve never had a best friend, and that’s my fault for never letting myself get close to anyone and for not wanting people to feel left out, and I also have two other people right now calling me their “best friends”, so they are mine, too, and I am just as close to them. In spite of this, she is someone who I connect with very well – and who, I think, connects with me as well. She’s emotional, and self-aware. She is observant of the ways of other people, and is even interested in those who she has never spoken to. In spite of her depression, she is one of the people who is truly alive. She is vulnerable. She lives. She may not live all the time, and she may often live inside her head, but when she gets out there, she lives. She is all-consuming in the best possible way. She is the idea that “blondes have more fun”, not in a slutty way, but in a way of actually being funny, being able to enjoy your own company and showing others how to really throw yourself into positive situations and feelings.

Larissa was the first person who I identified with through my own experiences. She described to me how depressed she felt, and I identified with it as low self-esteem – then, I wrote up this massive… paper-essay-thing that detailed my own feelings, and she said: “Hey, I feel that way, too.” If it weren’t for Larissa, my love of people would have never flourished and I would have no motivation today. I would have no purpose in life. I would not know what I want to do for a job, and I would possibly have no Hope at all. Larissa has saved my life many times because of this, without knowing it. I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful.

I’m slightly jealous of one thing about Larrie: her energy. She’s an INFP, and she’s very quiet and, for someone with severe anxiety, quite calm. Though she panics, she maintains a zen, nurturing and composed kind of… I’m sorry, there’s no other word for it… aura. This is something I’ve always wanted to attain, but never could. My own energy is spastic, over-the-top, outbursting and adoring. Amandus Interruptus. But Larissa, even when she’s all-in for something, manages to be… weirdly whole. She doesn’t go all over the place. She stays who she is in all situations. Larissa has a strange elegance in her quirky character! I’ve always found her slightly mysterious in some way. Though her honesty and bluntness can be overbearing and wearing, it’s a principle that she is sticking to – a conviction, and who am I to judge convictions?

Larissa is wonderful, witty and kind. She is someone to be cherished. She and I are so alike that I consider us “Different as Night and Day, but two sides of the same coin.” Where she is negative, I am positive. Where she is sarcastic, I am goofy. Where she is tough, I am impressionable. Where she overreacts, I am a voice of reason. But still, we’re extremely alike, and there is comfort in having a friend who thinks the same way that you do.

I love my Larissa to death and I wouldn’t want anyone else for all the world. ♥


I Hope YOU Dance...

This is for everyone who is standing by me, and has continued to stand by me, through all of this. Larissa, Giselle, Sarah-Fatima, Destiny... etc... I love you more than you could ever imagine. I love you. Please take this as a token of that love.
Heart of Gold

Which Clannad Girl Are You?

Outspoken, aggressive and kind Kyou Fujibayashi.

Kyou is one of my favourite characters from Clannad, along with her twin Ryou, Tomoyo and Nagisa. Of them all, I'd say I'm arguably a Ryou / Kyou mix - I'm not as aggressive as Kyou, but I'm certainly not as shy and meek as Ryou. Best part of Kyou is that she goes on in life to be an ECE worker :)

(Yes, Larissa. Kyou and Ryou are the ones with the pet pig!)

I should really write up a vanity quiz with options concerning my closest girl friends (and Nate) and I!!!