No matter what I do, I can't stop hurting. I distract myself, I smile. I write testimonials. I study. I read. I drink. I cut. I make lists. I give advice. I try to get closer to my friends, because they are all I will ever have now. I write, because I started writing again because of you, and I want to honor that. But none of that brings you back, none of that brings you closer to me. None of that helps you to get to know the real me.